


A Very Spooky Camping Trip

by YODALEEEIHEEHOOOOOOOOOOOOO



Series: Spinoffs [2]
Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Catfights, Homosexuality, Mispelings, Racial Tension, Sex, Sexual Tension, Teenage Stupidity, Violence, eye gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 17:07:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14241921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YODALEEEIHEEHOOOOOOOOOOOOO/pseuds/YODALEEEIHEEHOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Summary: "Absolutely terrifying" - self"The greatest story ever written, a must read" -this quote was reffering to a different story to the one I wrote.





	A Very Spooky Camping Trip

**Author's Note:**

  * For [trollarcoaster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/trollarcoaster/gifts).



> WARNING: This story is scary and could give you nightmares. Please be careful.

"Woah, dude! It's so radical to be out here with all these TREES, man!"  
said Michelangelo.  
"Yeah, we're so lucky to be normal teenagers on a mundane camping trip! I sure hope nothing bad will happen to us in this ominously deserted woodland area!" said Chris.  
"Like, totally" said Brittany.  
"Damn right son" said the token black guy.  
"Guys, settle down so I can say my obligatory opening line!" said Beth.

The five teenagers were sitting around the campfire which they had made, because that's something teenagers know how to do. Michaelangelo which is a name I don't know how to spell was about to tell them the spookiest ghost story ever told by a skater boy.

"Okay guys, this is a really legit story my cousin told me before he died of heatstroke." Michelangelo said. "Once, in a radical forest just like this one, there were some teenagers with very legit personalities who were on a camping trip and they were sitting around a hot diggity dang fire, dude. And it was sick!"  
"Eww, like when I drink too much vodka and puke in a bin?" enquired Brittany, like any respectable young lady would.  
"Yeah, it was insane, brah. And while they were sat round the fire, a hot, sexy-ass skater boy decided to tell them the most radical ghost story they would ever hear in their lives. It was so scary they all died from heart attacks, but not the skater boy because he wasn't a poser. The story was about five teenagers in a sketchy woodland area. One of the teenagers was a hot skater boy, and he did a sick kick flip off his skateboard to impress a valley girl who was hot too, and they all had sex and the skater boy told her a radical story about five teenagers who all got murdered on a camping trip. But before the killer could kill me, I told him a long, scary story about some teenagers who were on a dangerous camping trip in the woods. The teenagers had heard stories of a killer roaming the woods, but they weren't scared. Then, a lot of scary stuff happened, this hot skater boy kick flipped off a skateboard and crashed into a pile of school attendance notes and DIED. And the stories all turned out to be true, even the one about the killer secretly being the ghost of my dead cousin's dog's sister. The end."

"Wow, Michelangelo, that was a really scary story." said Chris.  
“Yeah, I really liked the part with the sexy skater boy!” said Beth happily. “I think-”  
“My turn!” interrupted Brittany. She took a deep breath and looked at Beth meaningfully. “Once upon a time there were some teenagers who wandered into a forest late at night. They made a campfire and then a WHORE named Beth tried really, really hard to get in Michaelangelo's pants but he rejected her because she was dead! Beth was sooooo ugly that she died and everyone had a party. The end!”  
"Damn right son" said the token black guy.  
“Does anyone have some water cause Brittany be lookin thirsty as fuck” said Beth, who was throwing some serious shade.  
“OOF” said Chris because he stubbed his toe. Then they all went to bed and nothing scary happened. 

"...And that's the whole story. The end." Michelangelo finished.

"Wow, Michelangelo, that was not very scary at all" said Chris.  
"Damn right son" said the token black guy.  
"We are getting so meta right now" said Beth. "What did you think of the story?" she said to Brittany.  
"I don't understand the bit where, like, you told a story about telling a story about having sex with a valley girl?" said Brittany.  
"Oh, don't worry about it" said Michaelangelo. "Want to see me kick flip off a skateboard?"  
"Maybe later" said Brittany, going to bed.  
"I have to say, you got Phil's character spot on. Especially the line “damn right son”. That totally sounds like something he would say!" said Chris.  
"Damn right son" said the token black guy who was also named Phil but I'm still going to call him the token black guy because that's what he is, and we all know he's gonna be the first to die.

So everyone else went into their sleeping bags and in the middle of the night Beth heard a strange noise. It sounded like... footsteps!  
"Chris! Chris, wake up" whispered Beth, shaking him.  
"No..." mumbled Chris, still half asleep. The footsteps were getting louder. "I have to wake up really slowly to... zzzzzz.... build dramatic tension..."

PSHOW! Everyone sprang to their feet at the sound of someone bursting through the trees. It was a mad masked man with a knife! Everyone started running away quickly, and the man tripped over a rock. "Fiddlesticks" they heard him say and it was the scariest thing. They kept running, hearing the man gaining on them.  
"Oh no, a harmless branch for Phil to trip over!" said Chris, pointing to a twig on the ground. Phil tripped over the branch and fell on the ground. "Whoops" he said. Michelangelo stopped and tried to help him up, but then ran away as the man was getting closer.

Suddenly they heard a scream that made them stop in their tracks for a minute.  
"He's got Phil!" said Brittany.  
"DAMN RIGHT SOOOON!" screamed the token black guy from the distance. "HE SAYS HE AIN'T GONNA SHOW ME NO MERCY!!" he paused and they heard the man murmuring something.  
“B-BUT HE WANTS ME TO TELL YOU THAT HE'S KILLIN' ME FIRST, BUT NOT CAUSE I'M BLACK, HE SAYS HE'S NOT RACIST, YOU GUYS! PLEASE, HELP ME! AAAIIEEEEEEE” screamed Phil the token black guy, dying terribly.  
“RIP in pieces” said Beth solemnly.  
"Let's just run and pretend we didn't hear him" said Chris. This seemed like a good idea, so they all kept running until they couldn't hear the killer or the screaming anymore.

"He's dead" said Michelangelo, panting.  
"Oh dang it, now I have to be the sassy one" said Brittany. Nothing like a bit of casual racism to lighten the mood. The four teenagers sighed and sat down, wondering what to do. Now that their group was exclusively white, the police would probably help them. But unfortunately, there was no wifi in the middle of the woods so they couldn't call for help. They all went to bed feeling very scared. Then when they woke up they tried to figure out a plan.  
"Let's all try to find wifi so we can call the police" said Chris.  
"Let's band together and set a trap for the killer to kill him." suggested Beth.  
"Let's all split up so the killer can find us one by one." Michelangelo said smartly. They all thought about these ideas and decided to look for wifi because they didn't want their snapchat streaks to end. That would be a truly horrifying nightmare.

"You know Michelangelo, I've been thinking. It's pretty weird how a killer appeared in the woods right after you told us a story about that." said Beth.  
"Yeah, I guess" said Micelangelo, laughing awkwardly. “At least it made this boring camping trip a bit more exciting. That knife looked big enough to cut through a whole lemon!”  
"Honestly, I feel kind of bad that you guys all ran off and let Phil get murdered. I was going to help him but you all ran away and pretended not to hear him" said Chris. The four felt a bit melancholy as they walked through the trees.  
"Want me to brighten the mood with some cheesy one liners?" Michaelangelangelangelangelangelo offered. No one said yes. Then they came across an abandoned picnic.  
"Hey, let's eat this picnic! We left our bags behind and I am now quite starving." expositioned Chris. "RADICAL!" said Michaelanjello in agreement. Chris reached for the picnic basket but suddenly a flock of hungry pigeons swooped down and flapped and pecked at them, squawking ferociously. Everyone flapped their arms in terror like they were doing the hula hula dance for the last time in their lives. "OW!" squawked Brittany, attempting to communicate. Then Chris screamed as one of the birds speared him through the face and wrenched the eye from his socket like it was opening the cork of a bottle. "My eye!" screeched Chris as blood spurted everywhere and ran down his face. The bird opened its beak and let out an unearthly screech, bursting the eyeball into pieces so that it was no longer stuck to its beak.  
“NO!” Chris yelled as pieces of eyeball flew everywhere.  
“Oh no! Maybe we can glue it back together?” suggested Beth as she tried to fend off the aggressive birds. Then some of the other birds flapped down to eat the discarded white pieces, trailing nerves and jelly-like flesh off the ground as the teenagers continued screaming in agony and terror.

So after all that was finished the four of them continued walking but had no luck finding wifi, and Chris's endless moaning was becoming quite annoying. "Ah, it hurts... I hate birds..." he droned on endlessly. Everyone was becoming quite sick of this so they stopped and went to sleep under some trees where they would be hidden away from Chris. Hopefully if the killer showed up again he could be used as bait to buy them some time. The four close friends slept fitfully, with much tossing and turning.

Brittany, however, was awake.  
“Hey, Beth?” she whispered. “Wake up, I need to tell you something”  
“Yeah, what is it?” said Beth sleepily.  
“Well I just wanted to say your a whore” said Brittany.  
“Erm, it's “you're” actually” corrected Beth. Brittany glared at her furiously.  
“Ok then. You're a whore, and you're annoying!” she spat back.  
“Ah yeah, catfight!” whispered Michaelangelo, who enjoyed watching catfights.

The two girls whispered insults to one another for 4 hours, keeping everyone awake throughout the night. Chris was further away so he couldn't hear them, and continued sleeping. Michaelangryo was angry. He had decided he didn't like catfights anymore. He tried to tell them to keep it down, but they ignored him.  
“You're a cow!” hissed Beth.  
“Bitch.” whispered Brittany.  
“You're a big dumb poopy-head” said Beth.  
Brittany reeled in shock. “You take that back!” she whispered. “Or I'll-”  
“SSSSSSHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTT

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPP!” yelled Michaelangelo. The girls fell silent. The only sound that could be heard was the rustling of leaves above them. Michaelangelo was starting to wonder if this camping trip was more trouble than it was worth.  
“Just go to sleep” he whispered, and they all did.

The next day was booooooooooorrrrrring. It was a very hot afternoon so they were all sweatier than an introvert talking on the phone. Chris was out looking for wifi, but the rest of them were tired from the intense catfight the night before so they all sat around in the shade waiting for something to happen.  
“Man, this is boring! I hate camping” complained Brittany.  
“Maybe there's something more fun we could do” said Michaelangelo, winking at her.  
“I know!” said Beth. Let's all do nothing and go to sleep!”

So they were about to do that when suddenly Chris came running back in from the trees, sending leaves and mud flying everywhere. “I heard the killer, he's in the trees!” yelled Chris hysterically. “Run!”  
“In the trees? There's trees everywhere, that doesn't help us much” said Michaelangelo.  
“Ugh!” exclaimed Brittany as a bunch of leaves hit her in the face. Chris kept running and the other three quickly followed after him. But Chris could not really see where he was going as he only had one eye, so he tripped over a bush and fell flat on his face.  
“Chris! You dumb shit” said Beth in exasperation. Suddenly, the killer swept onto the scene, seemingly from nowhere, like a cat on roller skates that can teleport. He was holding his rusty knife and waving it around like a magic wand.  
“Watch out!” said Chris, still on the ground. “If he cuts you, you might get tetris!  
“I think you mean tetanus” said Beth.  
“Or AIDS!” Michaelangelo yelled fearfully. But Chris was not about to get any of these things. For as they were talking, the killer produced a lemon from his pocket and began sawing it in half with the knife. This proved to be a difficult task, as the lemon was very unripe, and cutting it might have been better suited to a chainsaw, or a katana.

The teenagers could only look on in mesmerized horror as the lemon came apart. They had not eaten since the birds had stolen their picnic that they also stole, and Brittany quite fancied some lemon pie. The killer knelt down to Chris and grabbed his face, then squeezed the lemon and squirted lemon juice in Chris's other eye.  
“My other eye!” screeched Chris, clutching his eye and groaning. “Not again!” The killer stood back up and let out a muffled laugh as everyone stared awkwardly at Chris, watching him writhe around in pain.  
“That was a good shot.” said the killer, seemingly to himself.  
“Why...?” Chris choked out. “Why are you doing this...?”  
“All will be revealed soon... Bye-byeee” said the killer, disappearing into the trees. This was truly unprecedented. He had left half of the lemon on the ground, so Brittany picked it up before anyone else could and took a big bite. “Yummy!” she said, as Chris sobbed into the dirt.  
“Let's go, Chris” said Beth, hauling him up with great strength. Wearily, they made their way into a clearing and decided to call it a night, even though it was the middle of the afternoon. 

Brittany found herself awake again that night, thinking about whether she should try and team up with the killer and murder that bitch Beth. But she did quite like skater boys, so maybe she should stick around. Brittany pondered this silently, wondering what to do. The forest felt so peaceful at night- it almost made her forget all about their predicament.

"BRITTANY!" yelled Michelangelo right in her eardrum. Brittany jumped.  
"Shh!" she hissed. "Like, keep it down!”  
"Sorry" said Michelangelo. "I found a broken down car, let's go have sex in it." This pleased her immensely. "Omg sure, why the heck not" she said. If there was one thing Brittany enjoyed, it was having sex in broken down cars on a camping trip while being tracked by a sadistic serial killer.  
They found the car and took their clothes off and got inside. I mean, it had to happen eventually. The sexual tension between these two was just insaaaaane, brah.

"I sure hope the killer doesn't murder us while we're having wild sex in this broken down automobile" shouted Michelangelo.  
"Like that'd ever happen. Come on, I can't wait to get pregnant at fifteen and live as a single mom on benefits with an STD for the rest of my life" said Brittany.  
"That's so hot" said Michelangelo. They were both getting pretty excited hehehe wink wink  
Brittany sighed and said "talk dirty to me."  
"Im gonna demolish the patriarchy" said Michaelangelo, and then well goodness gracious they started to have sex because of course it wouldn't be a horror story without some sexy times and you know it was just the funniest thing because the killer was hiding in the backseat and he got up and tried to join in.

"WHAT THE FLAPPETY FUCK!" screamed Michelangelo. "I'M NOT GAY YOU CRAZY SON OF A BISCOTTI!" and then the killer cut his head off with a knife because nobody likes a homophobe. Brittany screamed. “No! Blood is like, gross! G-R-O-S-E!" and the killer made her dead too, because he wasn't sexist either. That killer didn't judge no one.

"Michelangelo! Brittany! Where are you?" shouted Beth. It was now morning, and Beth noticed there was a significant lack of bitching going on, which made her realize they were gone.  
"Brittany!" yelled Chris.  
"Michelangelo!"  
"Phil!"  
Beth then punched Chris in the face. "Phil's dead, remember!" she shouted.  
"Oopsy daisy" said Chris. "I forgot."  
The two continued searching until they found the broken down car. There was a layer of dried blood all over the windows so they couldn't see inside. Chris smashed the window with a plastic spade and there were the bodies of Michelangelo and Brittany! And this was very spooky. Michelangelo's head was not on his body and was missing, and Brittany looked like she had just had the worst sex of her life. She had a stab wound in her face.  
"Oh my god" said Beth. "I can't believe Brittany had sex with that loser."  
“Wait, what's happening?” asked Chris, who could not see anything at all.  
“They're both dead in this car” Beth explained. Chris began to cry.  
"Dammit Michelangelo, I told you not to try and drive without a license!" he wailed.  
"Don't be sad, Chris. Let's go back and have sex to make ourselves feel better" suggested Beth.  
"NO, I LIKE BOYS" shouted Chris feverishly.  
"Hey, keep it down!" Beth shushed him. "It's dangerous yelling like that. A Christian might hear you."  
Beth and Chris kept looking for wifi. They seemed to be picking up a little bit of a connection from time to time, so they followed the signal until Beth felt something hit her foot. She reached into the bush and picked it up. It felt like a rock. As she pulled the strange object up from the ground, she saw the face of Michelangelo staring back at her. Meanwhile Chris was bumping into things. Beth screamed and threw the head away, and it rolled and it rolled for miles until it rolled down a hill and into the middle of a picnic area where a family were having a picnic. And they took it home and hollowed it out and used it to hold their Halloween candy.

"Hello, children" said a muffled voice behind them. Beth and Chris both turned around.  
"Uh, for your information, we are technically adolescents, not children." said Chris sassily. The token black guy and the valley girl were now both dead, so Chris had to be the sassy one because he had now openly revealed his gayness.  
"Hello, adolescents" said the man. “Say hello to my trusty, rusty knife!”  
Then... he pulled out his knife!  
"Hey, I thought you sounded familiar!" said Chris. The killer ran at him, swinging the knife like a crazy person. He cut Chris on the arm and Chris punched him in the face and it fell off. The killers face was now staring at them from the ground. He had been wearing a mask!  
"Oh my god!" said Beth. "You're... Michelangelo's cousin?"  
"I sure am" said the cousin. "My name's Raphael, by the way. This was all an elaborate prank on you guys!" Raphael laughed. "You just got pranked, son!"  
"Damn right, son" said the ghost of the token black guy, but no one heard him.  
"So, everyone's alive after all?" said Beth in relief.  
"Uh, no. I did actually murder them all." said Raphael.  
"Even Michelangelo?" asked Chris, horrified.  
"He was willing to die for the sake of the prank" Raphael explained. "And guess what! I was actually a ghost all along! Woooo-" Suddenly Beth slapped him right in the face.  
"Agh! It was just a prank bro!" he shouted. "Calm down, the camera's right there!"  
"What you did was unforgivable!" shouted Beth, and then she took his knife and stabbed him a gazillion times in the chest. "You will now die and burn in the depths of heck. Murdering your friends is not a prank!" she shouted.  
"You're right" he whimpered, now on the verge of death. He coughed. "You're... right."

 

"...It's a social experiment."

*cue Sienfield music.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this wasn't too frightening please review my story and don't have sex if a killer is chasing you ok bye


End file.
